1. |
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Nobody’s ever gonna see me naked not while I have something to say about it
Sex is so terrifying I don’t wanna touch another person’s body
So I always leave space for the Holy Ghost when I’m dancing in the gym or locker room
But I really would rather not die a virgin cuz that would just be oh-so embarrassing
I can picture the funeral now
All of my family and friends are gathered round
Then Jesus Christ himself came down
Really seemed quite amused
Made fun of my shoes
Pointed at my casket and said
‘HA HA
‘Nobody ever saw you naked!’
Jesus says my body is a sin
And to touch another person’s body is a sin
So nobody will ever know me
But I really am very lonely
So Jesus Christ could you please
FUCK OFF
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2. |
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There’s a couple kids I know who love robbing banks
I only see them when I’m alone and usually it’s pretty late
I’d like to think I know them well but thinking so is strange
My best friend in the world and I have never seen the other’s face
Internet friends
Internet friends
You can have friends on the internet
In the new millennium you can have friends you’ve never met
That best friend and I used to talk every night falling for her like some dumb kid
But anyway over chat room screens is where I had my first kiss
One day she asked if I would care if IRL she were a bit different
Turns out the first girl that I loved was a... middle aged man!
Internet friends
Internet friends
You can have friends on the internet
In the new millennium you can have friends you’ve never met
There’s this new girl that I know who loves exactly what I do
I met her through my Instagram where she just so happens to model
We talked and talked in our dms then she asked to move it to facetime
I was kinda nervous but boy am I’m glad I gave her a try
We fell in love and better yet she’s coming this way
Only needed my credit card and SSN to book her plane
Internet love
Internet love
You can have sex via satellite
In this age of information you don’t even need a phone line
Internet friends
Internet friends
You can have friends on the internet
In the new millennium you can have friends you’ve never met
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3. |
Klittenband
03:20
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Hey there good American
With your white collar sights and Raisin Bran
Would you like to be a star?
Then keep your head down when it's raining
And watch your back when admiring paintings
Or you won't get too far
And you there, super man of steel
You can't blame yourself for being real
You know you could be a star
Just keep your mind off Lois Lane
And brush your teeth most everyday
Or you won't get too far
Keep your shoelaces tied
And always look to the other side
Of the railway tracks it's always
greener over there
Hey there Jimmy Stewart too
Don't forget what means the most to you
When you become a star
Don't let Carlotta out of your sight
And don't look down from greater heights
Or you won't get too far
And you, emperor Napoleon
Can't keep your eyes from these foreign lands
Would you like to be a star?
March among those foreign legions
But be wary of the winter seasons
Or you won't get too far
Keep your shoelaces tied
And always look to the other side
Of the railway tracks it's always
greener over there
And never look directly into the sun
Hey there good American
Don't fall in love whenever you can
Or you might be a star
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4. |
I Feel Bad
03:09
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I feel bad being near you
I feel bad being near you
I feel like I’m ruining your aspirations and your expectations
I feel bad looking at you
I feel bad standing next to you
I feel bad that you don’t know how terrible I am
I would be the worst kind of boyfriend
But boy, do I want you to touch me
I like talking to you
I like walking with you
I like dancing with you
I think I’m falling for you
But baby don’t you see you’d be better off without me
Though that ain’t the way I’d like it to be
I like to wander with you
I like to wonder with you
And you like winter too
I think I’m falling for you
But it’s oh so selfish of me to try to keep you in my scene
But boy, do I want you to hold me
I wanna hang out with you
I wanna spend time with you
I wanna make you smile even on a rainy day
I wanna be your hero if it works out that way
And boy, do I want you to love me
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5. |
Submission for a Lit Mag
02:23
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Do you think I could be Shel Silverstein?
Or am I best left as the tree?
Or maybe I'm more of a Lorax type-
Too little too late for you to see?
Can I stake a page in your American songbook-
Or at least be mentioned in an advanced placement course?
Cuz if I forget Rome faster than a sunrise
It can really only get much worse
Do you think I could be a peanut butter king?
Where every word I said was law
And all we'd learn in school is how to make peanut butter sandwiches
'Till they clamp down on my jaw
And all the king's horses and all the king's men
Would try to put my mouth back together again
But if you don't take what you love and let it kill you
How do you know you loved at all?
Do you think this is where the sidewalk ends-
Or can we scurry cross the road?
Do you think this is where the childhood ends-
In pens and trapper keeper holes?
Maybe you would like for me to be like TS Elliot
Write about the aftermaths of wars
Though I think I'd rather be a sort of Leonard Cohen
Sing about desitutes and whores
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6. |
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I called him for a letter
And wanted to hold his hand
Nobody seemed to answer
Then out of the ceiling fan
A bright and yellow wallpaper
Follows me round the room
Then pressed me to the carpet
And now I can’t move- I need to-
I need you
I can’t keep my fingers
I’m told they’ll evaporate
Like sweat off your body
Though I can’t emasculate
Your skin
Your bones
They keep you safe and dry but then
Your guts and
Your soul
Are all locked up inside- I need to-
I need you
It smells like carpal tunnel
Or all the board could allocate
Don’t forget to take your shoes off
Then in walks the magistrate he says
‘Your skin
‘Your bones
‘They all belong to me’ so I-
I ran
I fell
Off the sidewalk and into the street
Then out the corner of my eye
A bright and yellow wallpaper is threatening to come inside
I can’t keep wasting so much time
I can’t keep wasting so much time
I can’t keep wasting so much time
I can’t keep wasting so much time
I can’t keep wasting so much time
I can’t keep wasting so much time
I can’t keep wasting so much time
I can’t keep wasting
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7. |
We Could Fall in Love
03:53
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We always said we would be there for each other
Always knew I could come to you bout anything
But now I think I may have to keep just one little secret
I always said we would be best friends forever
You always said we’d drift away when we found lovers
Though at first it seemed to be true, boy I can’t get on without you
Now I feel different than I had just one week ago
Now the vibrations I get from you are strange
Something’s catching in my throat that never caught before
Now I melt every time I see your face
Tried to trick myself into looking at other girls
Tried to tell myself it could never be
I was skipping out on other plans just to spend time with you
I can never make myself leave
Isn’t this the way I’m supposed to feel about a significant other?
This is not how I should feel about you
Don’t I remember you saying to me to you I was a brother
Am I wrong in thinking that’s no longer true?
We could fall in love if we wanted to fall in love
I’m happy just to be with you at all
We could be together if we needed to face the weather
But I’m scared I might smile at you wrong
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8. |
My Vexing Valentine
03:16
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Wake up Monday morning in a haze of regret
Coffee in my hand when I notice that you had sent
51 drunk texts
Haven’t even spoken in a couple of months then you say
We should get together before I’m going away
And then you leave me on read
You said I’m your closest friend, well darling that must suck for you
I swear you cross my mind once every fourth or fifth blue moon
You said why don’t you come see Wavves with me, and we can see where that ends
Which is how I wound up holding your sweatshirt while you were moshing with your boyfriend
Having history’s always a hell of a tread
And making plans with you is like a kick in the head
By now I’m gonna need new teeth
Insist you didn’t mean to leave me hanging like that
Come round like the dentist with a sucker in hand
Only oral in how it’s like a surgery
You don’t smoke anymore now you’ve got nothing to do
You don't fuck anymore, you’ve run out of boys to use
But if you’d like to come to hell with me you’re free to tag along
I got two tickets to oblivion so just text me if you wanna come with
My vexing valentine
It ain’t fun
And it ain’t healthy
You say you love-
No you never even liked me
Wake up Monday morning in a stranger’s bed
Then I realize god damn it I was with you again
La la la la la
I associate your name with feeling like I’ve been used
For some reason I just can never seem to refuse
So if you’d like to come to hell with me you’re free to tag along
I got two tickets to oblivion so just text me if you wanna come with
My vexing valentine
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9. |
Nothing
04:41
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Streetlights, stop signs, speed limits of 25
Well-tended lawns, trimmed hedges, and swimming pools fenced up in the front of my mind
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, then Monday all over again
I stopped to smell the roses, slipped and fell face first into the garden
There’s nothing there for me
There’s nothing I can see that makes suburbia worth while
It’s 20 minutes to the nearest Cotsco and I-
Catch a movie, catch a cold, catch feelings, catch a body in the rye
It’s 8:30 again and we may as well go out for a midnight drive
But everything worth thinking about doing is out a half hour or more
So we head down to the docks, get high and hope we stay ashore
There’s nothing there for you
There’s nothing you can do to make the emptiness subside
It’s an hour drive to your therapist and I-
There’s nothing here for us to do but stay under the gun
There’s nothing worth the fuss of waking up before the sun
Nothing is my king and country, nothing wastes my time
It creeps out from the closets straight into our minds
So fuck my home town
Fuck those loose ends
Fuck my high school
And all my ex-girlfriends
Mom and dad I’m sorry
But I ain’t coming home no more
Cuz nothing there can hurt me
So wave goodbye to the Chesapeake shores
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10. |
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Hey there old man
Why do I got to got to explain myself?
Why do I gotta take a stand
When all I wanna do is entertain myself
With things you don't understand?
Things you don't understand
And watch out senator
The kids are the ones who carry the news
So be careful senator
Someday soon that headline is gonna be you
Baby I'm too dependent on rings
Ride the internet of things
From social media to wikipedia
I got the whole world in the palm of my hand
And you just don't understand
Tread lightly preacher man
You know that kids don't watch TV anymore
And you FBI man
Trying to watch me watch them settle the score
With things you don't understand
Things you don't understand
And you Mr. President
[PATRIOTISM]
Maybe I'm too dependent on rings
Ride the internet of things
Its always a treat for ya
Till someone takes a leak on ya
And we're the ones with the plan
And you just don't understand
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11. |
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[Instrumental]
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12. |
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When you’re hiking through the mountains and you feel you’re gonna faint
(You need some reclaimed water)
When you haven’t been hydrating and its halfway through the game
(You need some reclaimed water)
When your clothes smell extra rank and you’re about to have a date
(You need some reclaimed water)
When your daughter’s been possessed and the priest is out of state
(You need some reclaimed water)
It’s the be all end all for curing diseases
It’ll keep your coughs controlled and snuff up your sneezes
The solution to poverty, hunger, and hate
It’s FDA approved and certified fair trade
Well I've got the cure for your and everybody's needs
(You need some reclaimed water)
And ten cents of every dollar goes directly to charity
(You need some reclaimed water)
Practically buys itself in easy payments of just four
(You need some reclaimed water)
And when it can't get any better just wait - there's more!
(You need some reclaimed water)
It’s the quintessential cure for fits of depression
It’ll strengthen your joints and pay out your pension
It’ll cover up the smell after a hearty wank
And best of all its absolutely dishwasher safe
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13. |
Klittenband (Reprise)
01:42
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Mrs. Greene is out today
She had some business to settle some ways away
But I can take a message if you like
Please
Leave
Your
Grievances with Mr. Greene
He lives in his house with a plasma screen
Brought to you by forces he just can’t understand
And don’t you blame the things she said
Blame the world we inherited
Let me leave you with what her father said on the witness stand
Keep your belt buckled
Keep your eyes on the prize
And don’t you worry about the means, the whys, or the lies
If you slit enough throats, you’ll be living the American dream
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14. |
Heart Eyes
03:28
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I met a girl at a rock and roll club
Lovely as could be
I swear to you it was (love) at first sight
I could tell by the way that she looked at me
I saw her right after the show
Standing by the merch table rack
But our love it could never be you know
Cuz she was in the opening act
You know your record barely fits in my player
The one where you drew the hearts in the eyes
This isn't even my first offense
I swear I didn't mean to be a flirt
But your overalls just made me fall
And your accent just made it worse
So I followed your band on instagram
In case you guys put new shit out
But looking back I probably should have asked
If you had a private account
Sorry for being weird
I just fell in love with your stage presence
That's something that's never happened to me before
And when you were near
I finally understood what butterflies meant
I'll be sure to leave a comment
When I buy from the online store
Cuz your record barely fits in my player
The one where you drew the hearts in the eyes
Heart Eyes
Making a fool of himself since '98
Heart Eyes
Making a fool of himself is his crusade
You asked if I made music
I said yeah, I play the guitar
I realize now you probably hear that all the time
Now I'm feeling weird
Listening through your bandcamp demos
Trying to figure out why
You guys aren't even on Spotify
Heart Eyes
Making a fool of himself since '98
Heart Eyes
Making a fool of himself is his crusade
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15. |
Bad Habits
00:35
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[Instrumental]
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Valentine's Day Waltham, Massachusetts
Valentine's Day is some friends making something that resembles music.
Valentine's Day recommends:
Gorgeous instrumentation and amazing lyrics - an amazing release with some of my favorite songs ever written.
go to albumIf you like Valentine's Day, you may also like:
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Death is Nothing to Us
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